A Goddess is Continually Evolving: BREATHE!

This summer it came to my attention that I was not breathing properly.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I was not breathing properly.  I had assumed that if I knew how to do anything correctly, breathing would be at the top of the list.  After all, if I'd been screwing it up, I'd not be here now to expound on my inhaling and exhaling shortcomings.  I discovered, though, that there are optimal ways to breathe. And I wasn't breathing optimally. So, I did what I do when I am intrigued by a topic: I read a book about breathing.  Then I began practicing breathing properly.  And this has evolved into a breathing practice.  Let me explain.

It turns out that many of us are shallow breathers.  Unless you're a professional singer or an athlete, it is likely you're only using about 25% of your lung capacity with each breath.  We breathe into our upper torsos, avoiding that full big-belly breath.  If you've spent time in a yoga class, you've perhaps experienced the yogic breath.  The idea is to take in a full breath that expands your rib-cage and belly fully.  Try it now.  Does it feel uncomfortable or unnatural?  If so, you may not be getting enough oxygen in your body.
  


I think for many women, taking a big belly breath is a challenge. We are inundated with images of flat, fit, feminine tummies. When someone pulls out a camera or that special someone walks into the room, we suck our bellies in to show the most flattering version of our torsos.  So to take a full breath into the belly--one that expands said belly beyond the pre-determined acceptable deflated dimensions--may seem counter-intuitive.  But what if I told you that taking that deep belly breath may actually help your belly get closer to that flat, fit, feminine version (or a comparable masculine version, if that's what you're going for!)? Proper breathing could help flatten your stomach.  Really. Stay with me.

In my exploration of breathing, I have discovered that there are many benefits to taking in more oxygen.  And we take in more oxygen by practicing deep breathing. It turns out that deep breathing can:

• Release tension from your body
• Strengthen your lungs
• Burn excess fat more efficiently (hence, could lead to a flatter tummy!)
• Improve posture
• Alleviate pain (in yoga class, you may visualize the breath going to a spot in your body that is sore. It can help--try it some time!).

These are just a few benefits; there are many more (check out the links below for some articles that go into the benefits of breathing in more detail).  As for me, I practice deep breathing regularly now--whenever I think of it.  I find that the alignment of my body is improved--my posture and a lengthening that just feels good.  When I feel stressed out, I practice an exercise I learned from Pam Grout in her book Jumpstart Your Metabolism: How to Lose Weight by Changing the Way You Breathe.  There are variations on this, but here's what I do: 

1. Sit up straight or lie down flat on my back
2. Breathe in through my nose to a count of four
3. Hold the breath for a count of four
4. Exhale through my mouth for a count of four
5. Hold the exhale for a count of four
6. Repeat steps 2-5 10 times.

This is a simple way that works for me in alleviating stress and tension in my body.  I have found that it's also a beneficial technique to use when struggling with cravings.  Taking an intentional time-out that engages the body--specifically the belly--can help when trying to figure out if that second serving is really what you need right now!

So, crazy as it may sound, I practice breathing. I'm not perfect yet, but I'm catching myself more often and finding those deep belly breaths to be rewarding and beneficial in body, mind, and spirit.  Let's face it: this is important for a Goddess-in-Training who is trying her best to evolve.

Want to read more about the benefits of deep breathing?  Here are some resources I found helpful:

http://www.onepowerfulword.com/2010/10/18-benefits-of-deep-breathing-and-how.html

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12112/3-ways-to-enhance-your-deep-breathing-practice.html

http://www.amazon.com/Jumpstart-Your-Metabolism-Changing-Breathe-ebook/dp/B0048WPO2A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388453545&sr=8-1&keywords=pam+grout+jumpstart+your+metabolism

A goddess is autonomous; she takes care of herself.

I have recently been thinking about the idea finding balance between being autonomous and taking care of myself.  At first, the relationship between the two may seem tenuous at best, but with further thought, there is a link that, for me, sometimes creates imbalance.  To be autonomous, I seek my own counsel.  When my own counsel advises that a third brownie is probably necessary to get through the rest of my evening of

watching an America's Next Top Model marathon, I know it's time to center myself and go further inward to tap into the core of me that isn't ruled by the cocoa bean.  While the struggle to find my inner voice and follow it is a reality for me, it's my job to find it and follow it.  That is about as autonomous as I can be.  No one else can really help me find my inner voice.  While this inner voice can be helpful in defining my needs and can prompt me to work on taking care of myself, this self-care is not always something I can do alone.

I find that I can swing from super-independent to super-needy, and much of this has to do with my self-talk around deserving and entitlement.

Self-care, from paying my bills to getting a mani-pedi (I had the most AMAZING mani-pedi last month in Brooklyn, by the way.  The lovely woman finished my fingernails and gave me a hot stone massage on my back while I waited for them to dry.  Heavenly!), I think it's important to not only take care of myself, but to also remind myself that I'm deserving of such self-care.  The action is important, of course, but the belief must be nurtured to make the actions sustainable.

Indeed, one of the areas I struggle most with is the idea of being deserving.  I know that these false beliefs are at the root of my getting "stuck", and this is something I work on regularly: telling myself that I am deserving of good things.  I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have nice things, I deserve appreciation.  The risk I run, however, is tipping out of balance in the other direction. I can go from feeling undeserving to feeling down right entitled in less time than it takes to chastise the barista for using low-fat milk instead of skim.  

As a middle-class American woman, it's easy to fall victim to the belief that I'm not good enough in ways that lead to this type of self-talk:

• Usually it's men who get "these" jobs.  I probably shouldn't even apply.
• I won't be taken seriously with the mechanic; I'd better bring my husband along.
• I don't want to assert myself too much in the meeting; I don't want to be considered pushy or bitchy.
• I need to lose 10 pounds...then I'll be ___________ (fill-in-the-blank) enough.

Likewise, as a middle-class American woman, it's easy to fall victim to the belief that I'm too good in ways that lead to this type of self-talk:

• I can't believe the doctor's office is making me wait 5 minutes for my appointment.  I will email a complaint while I'm waiting.
• Seriously? The Poland Springs Water bubbler is empty?  Am I supposed to drink tap water?  I'm calling my Union rep!
• The power has been out six hours, and the hurricane is pretty much out of here.  Doesn't the utility company know I need to update my Facebook page to let people know I'm okay!?
• Who does this pilot think he is making me put my phone on "Airplane mode"?

So there is a little balancing act that is always going on here.  I tend to gravitate toward either of these extremes when I, myself, am out of balance.  Whether I fall to the victim or the entitled version of myself depends on how upset I am. The more upset, the closer to the entitled version I go!  

When I can take a breath, a deep, deep breath, I can stay in the middle of these two extremes.  But it's often a challenge for me.  This requires awareness and a willingness to see myself as someone who is deserving. Someone who takes care of herself.  Someone who trusts herself to heed her own counsel.

A Goddess Invents Her Own Life and Lives According to Her Own Vision.

It's true. I've always marched to the beat of my own drummer.  In my childhood, I was a bit of a tomboy, going to work with my dad (who was, at the time, a mason) and helping him by getting rid of the excess cement between the bricks.  While other girls were playing with their dolls, I was becoming a meticulous jointer.  Not very goddess-like, admittedly, but I was good at it. And it was fun. Years later, I'd realize that this attention to mortar had resulted in slight OCD around tasks like: writing on the board, putting up bulletin boards, and creating well-formatted documents.  I thank my Dad for this, as I see it as a strength, despite the snickers of many a-colleague. 

When I finally realized that there was no real future in jointing (not with bricks and mortar anyway), and I would go on to become the first one in my family to graduate from college.  Later, I'd become a teacher--another first.  Along the way to being the goddess of my very own classroom, I held many jobs: bacon slicer, lingerie saleslady, sandwich maker, daycare provider, bank operations check clearer, matchmaker, and office temp.  While some were mundane, others torturous, I like to think I was doing most of this work in my own vision.  Each job brought me closer to my current self.

While my professional life has been a hodge podge of questionable career choices, my personal life was only slightly more humiliating.  While I'd like to say that (like a true goddess) I never had hopes of impressing anyone, I have a long and sordid history of trying to inspire awe in the wrong people.  Jimmy Hicks, a local bad boy who attended the alternative school, stole my 7th grade heart.  He barely

looked at me (despite the pint of sun-in I'd put in my hair and unlit cigarette I'd held in a very sophisticated and overt manner) when he drove past me on his BMX en route to the local sand pit.  Sadly, I would not be deterred by his passive rejection.  Over the years (I won't admit how many), I would put together countless other absurd attention-getting ensembles to impress many a boy long after Jimmy had been locked up in juvie.  Things would pick up over time, but my lessons were many, and I think I was portraying a dysfunctional goddess at best during most of my courtships.

Try as I might, I couldn't quite figure out the way to be a unique individual and a cool one all at once.  What resulted, often, was an awkward, pitiful young woman perplexed at the lack of adoration from all sides.

As I've aged, I have become less concerned with what others think of me. I still want to be liked and appreciated. Heck, it'd be nice to even be adored.  But I don't hinge my self-worth on the opinions of others like I once did.  This has opened me up to trying new endeavors that would have otherwise passed me by.  In figuring out who I am, I revel in a variety of experiences that lead me to my vision. Here are a few bullets from my resume that may not impress anyone but certainly have helped me to define who I am:

• I hold a certificate in Whole Health Education
• I am a reverend, ordained by the Universal Life Church and I have performed six wedding ceremonies (one complete with smudging!) with two more coming up this month 
• I was previously a member of the Mormon Church & currently attend services at Unity
• I study and practice the Law of Attraction
• I am becoming a certified Angel Card Reader
  
  
• I am a health coach
• I drive a motorcycle
• I attend CrossFit & yoga classes regularly
• I am a certified health coach 
• I practice breathing (really...I'm not joking)
• I've been known to make jewelry
• I own four adorable animals who challenge and reward me all at once

These are just a few of the ways I've invented my own life.  While this list doesn't necessarily create a gelled vision of me, I'm not sure that yet exists.  I'm still working on my vision, and I hope it provides both depth and breadth of my character.  

Oh, yes.  I would further break the mold of expectations when I would leave a "safe" and "respectable" career in education to help folks get healthy.  This is clearly outside the norm (according to many people I know), but it's exciting to pursue a passion and not be stuck when the fires start to fade.  Stay tuned--I'll let you know how this one goes as I continue to invent and create my vision!

A Goddess is Continually Learning and Evolving

I was awoken each day this week to sounds of scraping and pounding--not the most pleasant way to greet the day.  The sounds, I soon discovered, were coming from my neighbor's house.  Each day, I observed men power washing and scraping paint from the house.  The progress was painfully slow.  It seemed there were hours of these sounds, with little to show for all the noise.  Somehow, though, I found myself a bit mesmerized by the work they were doing.  These small pieces of paint were being chipped away, leaving an unattractive, multi-colored mess on the side of the house. 



As I considered this process, I began thinking about my own transformation.  In the process of learning and evolving, there are times when my own "siding" doesn't look so good.  The process can be painful and slow, and in the middle, things can look downright ugly.  Whether I'm working on my health (losing weight, working out), on my mind (reading, viewing webinars), or on my spirituality (meditating, reflecting), the process can be frustrating. In the middle of change, I find myself wondering if it's all worth it.  Sometimes it feels like I'm putting for great effort with barely noticeable results. 

Like a homeowner with her home, I have to assess my life periodically and see which parts need work.  I have to identify the part that requires attention then figure out the best method for creating change.  For a painter, this entails using a little power washing to tackle the weakest pieces of paint followed by some scraping.  For me, the power washing comes in the form of cleaning out the cupboard and refrigerator or getting that gym or yoga membership or scheduling time for meditation.  This is all setting the stage for the transformation that will follow.  The scraping is the slow deliberate process of making the right choices around food, exercise, and my thoughts each day. When I'm just starting to exercise, my stamina is low and my coordination may be weak.  When I start to meditate, my mind wanders wildly as I try to bring it back to thinking of nothingness.  And, like the side of a house cleared of its paint, I can feel a little exposed--even if only to myself.

Being in the middle of a process isn't always comfortable, but it's necessary to get to the other side.  So, as I take care of my body and mind, I need to accept that the breaking down and building up may not always feel good.  But in the end, after the paint chips are removed and the edges are smoothed down, the end result will all be worth it.

You're Training to be a Goddess?

When I was in my third year teaching in Maine, I was tasked with teaching my students about Greek mythology. As we delved further into the topic, my students began fondly calling me Goddess McDougall (my then-married name) before shortening it to Goddess McD.  Around this time, email was becoming more and more popular, and when I discovered that every reasonable iteration of my name had been taken (though I think stacymariethompsonmcdougall75618439411820@yahoo.com was still available at the time), I tried: goddessmcd--and it wasn't taken.  So I took it.  And an identity was established.

The screen name goddessmcd has been available on every site I've ever tried to use it.

 My name has provoked curiosity from most people.  Some wonder if I worship the Goddess, the one some believe to be God's co-creator.  Some wonder if I'm Wiccan.  Others wonder if I enjoy the company of submissive men (any who know my husband can attest: I clearly do not).  And I'm sure there are plenty of others who wonder if I have an overly-healthy opinion of myself. 






Ever since the fortuitous naming of my email address, I have formed an identity around being a goddess.  From the early days, ten years ago or so, I would sign my emails "Goddess-in-Training," to which my friend Matty would reply: "Dear Goddess Trainee"...It became an endearing moniker, and its meaning has certainly changed and expanded since then. Overall, the idea of becoming a goddess, the way I mean it, centers around evolving. Being calm, rational, kind, peaceful, self-aware, grateful, and balanced. Being an example to others, a steward of the Earth and its inhabitants.  It's about growing and changing into a woman of grace and substance.

So, within these posts, I'll explore my journey on being a Goddess-in-Training.  I don't know that I'll ever arrive at full status Goddess.  After all, the journey is the part that we are supposed to revel in, right? I'm realizing that arriving at the "end" means no more growth--and then, what's the point?

Thanks for reading!
Goddessmcd


PS--I'd like to give credit where credit is due...
In defining the goddess as I see it, I looked to the wondrous Internet for some help.  I found a site by a woman by the name of Genie Webster that I found very helpful...check it out!  http://cosmicwind.net/800/Cmwl/VisionVoices2/WhatIsAGoddess.html