A Goddess is Continually Evolving: BREATHE!

This summer it came to my attention that I was not breathing properly.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I was not breathing properly.  I had assumed that if I knew how to do anything correctly, breathing would be at the top of the list.  After all, if I'd been screwing it up, I'd not be here now to expound on my inhaling and exhaling shortcomings.  I discovered, though, that there are optimal ways to breathe. And I wasn't breathing optimally. So, I did what I do when I am intrigued by a topic: I read a book about breathing.  Then I began practicing breathing properly.  And this has evolved into a breathing practice.  Let me explain.

It turns out that many of us are shallow breathers.  Unless you're a professional singer or an athlete, it is likely you're only using about 25% of your lung capacity with each breath.  We breathe into our upper torsos, avoiding that full big-belly breath.  If you've spent time in a yoga class, you've perhaps experienced the yogic breath.  The idea is to take in a full breath that expands your rib-cage and belly fully.  Try it now.  Does it feel uncomfortable or unnatural?  If so, you may not be getting enough oxygen in your body.
  


I think for many women, taking a big belly breath is a challenge. We are inundated with images of flat, fit, feminine tummies. When someone pulls out a camera or that special someone walks into the room, we suck our bellies in to show the most flattering version of our torsos.  So to take a full breath into the belly--one that expands said belly beyond the pre-determined acceptable deflated dimensions--may seem counter-intuitive.  But what if I told you that taking that deep belly breath may actually help your belly get closer to that flat, fit, feminine version (or a comparable masculine version, if that's what you're going for!)? Proper breathing could help flatten your stomach.  Really. Stay with me.

In my exploration of breathing, I have discovered that there are many benefits to taking in more oxygen.  And we take in more oxygen by practicing deep breathing. It turns out that deep breathing can:

• Release tension from your body
• Strengthen your lungs
• Burn excess fat more efficiently (hence, could lead to a flatter tummy!)
• Improve posture
• Alleviate pain (in yoga class, you may visualize the breath going to a spot in your body that is sore. It can help--try it some time!).

These are just a few benefits; there are many more (check out the links below for some articles that go into the benefits of breathing in more detail).  As for me, I practice deep breathing regularly now--whenever I think of it.  I find that the alignment of my body is improved--my posture and a lengthening that just feels good.  When I feel stressed out, I practice an exercise I learned from Pam Grout in her book Jumpstart Your Metabolism: How to Lose Weight by Changing the Way You Breathe.  There are variations on this, but here's what I do: 

1. Sit up straight or lie down flat on my back
2. Breathe in through my nose to a count of four
3. Hold the breath for a count of four
4. Exhale through my mouth for a count of four
5. Hold the exhale for a count of four
6. Repeat steps 2-5 10 times.

This is a simple way that works for me in alleviating stress and tension in my body.  I have found that it's also a beneficial technique to use when struggling with cravings.  Taking an intentional time-out that engages the body--specifically the belly--can help when trying to figure out if that second serving is really what you need right now!

So, crazy as it may sound, I practice breathing. I'm not perfect yet, but I'm catching myself more often and finding those deep belly breaths to be rewarding and beneficial in body, mind, and spirit.  Let's face it: this is important for a Goddess-in-Training who is trying her best to evolve.

Want to read more about the benefits of deep breathing?  Here are some resources I found helpful:

http://www.onepowerfulword.com/2010/10/18-benefits-of-deep-breathing-and-how.html

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-12112/3-ways-to-enhance-your-deep-breathing-practice.html

http://www.amazon.com/Jumpstart-Your-Metabolism-Changing-Breathe-ebook/dp/B0048WPO2A/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1388453545&sr=8-1&keywords=pam+grout+jumpstart+your+metabolism

A goddess is autonomous; she takes care of herself.

I have recently been thinking about the idea finding balance between being autonomous and taking care of myself.  At first, the relationship between the two may seem tenuous at best, but with further thought, there is a link that, for me, sometimes creates imbalance.  To be autonomous, I seek my own counsel.  When my own counsel advises that a third brownie is probably necessary to get through the rest of my evening of

watching an America's Next Top Model marathon, I know it's time to center myself and go further inward to tap into the core of me that isn't ruled by the cocoa bean.  While the struggle to find my inner voice and follow it is a reality for me, it's my job to find it and follow it.  That is about as autonomous as I can be.  No one else can really help me find my inner voice.  While this inner voice can be helpful in defining my needs and can prompt me to work on taking care of myself, this self-care is not always something I can do alone.

I find that I can swing from super-independent to super-needy, and much of this has to do with my self-talk around deserving and entitlement.

Self-care, from paying my bills to getting a mani-pedi (I had the most AMAZING mani-pedi last month in Brooklyn, by the way.  The lovely woman finished my fingernails and gave me a hot stone massage on my back while I waited for them to dry.  Heavenly!), I think it's important to not only take care of myself, but to also remind myself that I'm deserving of such self-care.  The action is important, of course, but the belief must be nurtured to make the actions sustainable.

Indeed, one of the areas I struggle most with is the idea of being deserving.  I know that these false beliefs are at the root of my getting "stuck", and this is something I work on regularly: telling myself that I am deserving of good things.  I deserve to be loved, I deserve to have nice things, I deserve appreciation.  The risk I run, however, is tipping out of balance in the other direction. I can go from feeling undeserving to feeling down right entitled in less time than it takes to chastise the barista for using low-fat milk instead of skim.  

As a middle-class American woman, it's easy to fall victim to the belief that I'm not good enough in ways that lead to this type of self-talk:

• Usually it's men who get "these" jobs.  I probably shouldn't even apply.
• I won't be taken seriously with the mechanic; I'd better bring my husband along.
• I don't want to assert myself too much in the meeting; I don't want to be considered pushy or bitchy.
• I need to lose 10 pounds...then I'll be ___________ (fill-in-the-blank) enough.

Likewise, as a middle-class American woman, it's easy to fall victim to the belief that I'm too good in ways that lead to this type of self-talk:

• I can't believe the doctor's office is making me wait 5 minutes for my appointment.  I will email a complaint while I'm waiting.
• Seriously? The Poland Springs Water bubbler is empty?  Am I supposed to drink tap water?  I'm calling my Union rep!
• The power has been out six hours, and the hurricane is pretty much out of here.  Doesn't the utility company know I need to update my Facebook page to let people know I'm okay!?
• Who does this pilot think he is making me put my phone on "Airplane mode"?

So there is a little balancing act that is always going on here.  I tend to gravitate toward either of these extremes when I, myself, am out of balance.  Whether I fall to the victim or the entitled version of myself depends on how upset I am. The more upset, the closer to the entitled version I go!  

When I can take a breath, a deep, deep breath, I can stay in the middle of these two extremes.  But it's often a challenge for me.  This requires awareness and a willingness to see myself as someone who is deserving. Someone who takes care of herself.  Someone who trusts herself to heed her own counsel.